I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
