She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize