I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
