Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
