I am puke
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My feet surprised me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
