so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
