no, he came in my armpit
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
