i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
