So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
