You can't motorboat a personality
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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