did you get engaged???
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
operation harelip BJ is a go
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
