our cab driver is having phone sex.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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