the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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