are you so shy because you have an std?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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