I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
