Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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