i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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