i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
