I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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