not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
