Its about making memories worth repressing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
