Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
