I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
