yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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