He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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