I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
