i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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