So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
