quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize