saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
