in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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