So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize