you didnt know i had herpes?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
