Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
