Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
