Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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