I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
