Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
