can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
