I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
