we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
