she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
