I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
