May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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