im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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