what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
