I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
