I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
