I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
