awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
