i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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