Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
