mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
