You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
