I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
