so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
