Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
