Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
