Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
