I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
