Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
