I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Operation Purity has been aborted
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
