I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
