What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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