Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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