i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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