I'm eating all of the evidence.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
