the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
