i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
