You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
