How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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