Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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