Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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