Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
