then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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