how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
