im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have aggressive nipples.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
