So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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