so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
