By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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