no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
