Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
