guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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