3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
