Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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