do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
