have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
did i just pee glitter
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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