you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
