I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
